RE: The Disney movie
by Tifa Redfield
Summary: What if RE was a mix of disney movies?? Leon has turned into nemesis and Claire must fall in love with him! Wesker and Birkins are singing 'A whole new Virus' together(??) Basically its madness. R+R ppl!
1. Freaky Town

RESIDENT EVIL: THE DISNEY MOVIE  
  
  
  
A/N: My pathetic attempt at humor. What do you think would happen if RE was actually a mixture of our favorite classic Disney movies? This idea just crept up on me while I was watching 'Beauty and the Beast' with my little sis. I thought I'd give humor a try, so if you don't think this is funny then be nice about it! It requires good knowledge of Disney cartoons though, especially Beauty and the Beast and of course the RE series; otherwise you'll be thinking, 'riiiiiiight'.  
  
DISCLAIMER: All RE characters and DISNEY.  
  
WARNING: This will contain MANY, MANY stupid songs and is basically a stupid fic. You might see it as bashing some characters, but that's not my intention, since everyone is basically made fun of. Besides I like ALL RE characters, but Ada and Brad:op  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
INTRO:  
  
The Spencer mansion, deep in the forests of Raccoon City, is shown. A man with a deep voice starts to talk dramatically, but is not seen: (he's the narrator)  
  
"Somewhere in the midst of Raccoon City, lived a lonesome cop called Leon S. Kennedy. He lived all alone..uh since he WAS lonesome after all. One stormy and rainy night, came an old beggar women asking for shelter in Leon's very big and almost empty mansion. She asked for shelter in exchange of a single green herb. The good-looking cop sneered at the gift of the ugly old woman and turned her away. She warned him not to be deceived by appearances..for beauty was in the inside. He told her to piss off again and so the woman's hideousness changed to reveal a beautiful enchantress by the name of Alexia. She decided to turn him into the nemesis, and told him that he must be able to learn to love a woman before all the leaves of the green herbs die..and earn her love in return, and then the spell would be broken. If not, then he will be doomed to remain a monster for ALL TIME...for who can ever love a monster as freaky and ugly as Nemesis?  
  
These words are shown over the mansion: PRETTY BIKER GIRL AND THE UGLY NEMESIS DUDE (sorry, couldn't think of a better title!)  
  
  
  
  
  
SCENE 1:  
  
Claire Redfield drives down to Raccoon City on her motorbike, her hair blowing in the wind behind her. Images of a dark Raccoon City are flashed on the screen. Everything is dark and the atmosphere is tainted with evil. Silence is the only thing that could be heard in the 'deserted' forsaken town. Claire finally reaches the town, getting off her motorbike with a big smile on her face. She picks up her flower basket and happily walks through the town.  
  
  
  
Music is now playing: (Think of the tune 'Little Town' from Beauty and the Beast)  
  
Claire opens her mouth and starts to sing, slightly out of tune:  
  
"Little town, it's a freaky villaage  
  
Everyday, getting worse than befoooore  
  
Little town, full of freaky ass people  
  
Crawling oon tooo saaaaaaaay..."  
  
Zombies and lickers pop out from different directions.  
  
"Aooowwwww!!"  
  
"HISSSSSSSSSSSSS!"  
  
"OHWAAAAAA!!"  
  
"HISSSS HISSSS!"  
  
Claire looks around, still smiling, and then starts to sing again.  
  
"There goes the licker with his tongue stickin out like always  
  
The same old claws it uses to killllll  
  
Every night it's just the same!  
  
Coz it's the night I miserably came  
  
To this scary provincial town..."  
  
A zombie strolls over to Claire slowly.  
  
"Aoohh aoooowww"  
  
"Good evening, living dead guy!"  
  
"aaooohh oweee aaaaahhh?"  
  
"To the police station! I just read the most wonderful diary entry! About this guy being ripped open alive and-"  
  
"Ahh ooaawwh"  
  
Claire shrugs and feels insulted at being ignored in the middle of her story but walks on anyway. She walks on as zombies and lickers turn to stare at her, confused. They kept moaning and groaning as she walked by, obviously they were discussing her. She then jumps merrily onto a car taking out the diary entry she found lying over this dead man earlier. Little ugly infested rats surround her legs looking up at her as she sings again:  
  
"Aaaaawww, isn't this amaaaaazing  
  
It's my favorite part beeecaaaause, you'll seeeeee (she shows the diary to a rat, missing both eyes)  
  
heeeeeere's where it gets real friiightning  
  
But the blood and gore, doesn't start until it's paaage threeee"  
  
Zombies and Lickers go back to conversing in their not so understandable language. Suddenly a guy shoots at a fat zombie, making its brains fly out all over the concrete ground and the zombie slowly falls to the ground with a PLOP.  
  
"Wow, you didn't miss a shot Steve!! You're the greatest shooter in the whole world!!" says an over excited Alfred.  
  
"I know." Say's Steve in a squeaky voice, blowing the smoke coming out from his gun.  
  
"No zombie alive..I mean dead, stands a chance again you! HEHEHEH, and no living girl for that matter!"  
  
"It's true Alfred, and I got my eyes set on that one!" Says Steve pointing in Claire's direction, who was busy reading.  
  
"Chris's sister??"  
  
"She's the one! The lucky girl I'm gonna stalk like a loser.."  
  
"I know, but-"  
  
"The most beautiful girl in town!"  
  
Alfred looks around thinking that she didn't have much of a competition anyway, then says, "I know-"  
  
"That makes her the best! And don't I deserve the best?" he says pointing his gun at Alfred threateningly.  
  
"Well of course, I mean you do!"  
  
Steve turns around and starts to sing, with a voice that could even drive zombies into committing suicide.  
  
"Right from the moment that I met her, saw her  
  
I said she's beautiful and I feeelllll (Literally)  
  
Coz in the town there's only she  
  
Who is as pretty faced as me (duh)  
  
So I'm making plans to stalk and seduce Claaaire"  
  
A bunch of Steve girl fans pop out of nowhere and also start to sing: (You can mostly hear Joanne Beverly)  
  
"Look there, he goes, isn't he dreamy?  
  
That babe, called Steve, oh he's so cute!  
  
Be still, my heart, I'm hardly breathing!  
  
He's such a -strong- guy- and-the-sweetest-dude!  
  
Steve walks on past zombies and various other freaky creatures, shooting some on the way, and deciding to spare others as he strolled towards Claire.  
  
Claire jumps into the middle of the crowd of freaky creatures dramatically and sings at the top of her lungs:  
  
"There must be some sorta normal thing aliiiive"  
  
Steve walks before her and sings:  
  
"Guess what, I'm goin to make Claire my wiiiife"  
  
Zombies, lickers and other infested scary looking creature's turn to each other, still confused, and then start doing a little dance until the music fades. After that they all get back to hunting for prey and so forth.  
  
Steve runs after Claire who skips over to the Raccoon City police station. She seems to be very much into that diary in her hands.  
  
"Well, good evening Claire!" He shrieks out, scaring Claire slightly.  
  
She turns around sharply taking out a magnum from her 'flower basket' and points it at Steve.  
  
"Woaah, relax beautiful. I was only saying good evening," he said, giving her a seductive smile, and putting away his own deadly weapon.  
  
"Oh, hi Steve. How are you doing this fine day?"  
  
"Well, you know the usual. Rescuing and protecting damsels in distress, such as your pretty self. Hanging up heads of zombies and giant crocodiles in my humble home," he said, flashing her a toothy smile once again.  
  
Claire rolls her eyes, "well isn't that typical of you Steve. Now I really must get going. Chris must be wondering where the hell I am!"  
  
"That crazy, guy! Man he's so overprotective! And he still insists that Umbrella is trying to take over the world!" says Alfred as he and Steve kill themselves laughing.  
  
"Don't you dare talk about my brother that way!" Shouts Claire defensively as she takes out her mini machine guns and points them at both Steve and Alfred.  
  
Steve slaps Alfred across the face, "I thought I told you to never talk about her bro like that!"  
  
"My brother is not crazy! He's knows the truth about Umbrella!" She says. Just then an extremely terrified Brad runs out of the R.P.D building with a very angry Chris running after him with his shot gun. He shoots at Brad's legs making him run even faster.  
  
"And if I ever see you grabbing at Barry's butt again, I'll kill you!!" He shouts, then gives two grunts before returning into the police station. Steve and Alfred stare at him dumbfounded, then fall on the floor laughing.  
  
Claire puts both hands on her hips and frowns angrily. She then runs off into the Police Station to see why her brother was so angry. She runs in to see Jill comforting Barry as he sat there crying over his terrifying ordeal with Brad.  
  
"Chris! What happened??" She asks running up to her brother in a theatrical fashion.  
  
"Brad was acting gay again. This time he was picking on poor Barry, and now we're one man short for the Spencer mansion raid! I've about had it with Umbrella!!" He says angrily as he rubs his forehead dramatically.  
  
Claire giggles and says, "you always say that."  
  
"Well I mean it this time! We'll never get to take down Umbrella!!" he replies sulking.  
  
Claire puts a comforting hand on his shoulder and looks at him lovingly. "Yes you WILL! You'll surely beat Wesker this time, and become the world's most famous hero!"  
  
"You really think so??" He asks, giving her puppy dog eyes.  
  
"I always have."  
  
Chris now feels ready to take out just about anything from his sisters encouraging words. "Alright gang! Let's go to the Spencer mansion!!"  
  
Jill and Barry: "YEAH!!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: R&R!! Lol, tell me how stupid this was! Man I'm sad, I actually know these Disney movies off by heart...but trust me, you would too if you had a 4 year old sister that repeats each movie 10 times a day! Ah well, I love both RE and Disney (lovely mix, ay?) so I thought I'd give this idea a try since I haven't seen anyone else use it^_^ I might not even finish this, unless I get good enuff reviews, coz seriously, what's the point then? So R+R. Gimme hints or something. 


	2. Evil Plans

A/N: WOW! I actually got a lot of reviews for this. Thanks everyone, it's real encouraging! Sorry it took me a while to put this up but I had exams and all. Ok here's the next chapter and I hope you like it^__^  
  
DISCLAIMER: All RE characters and Disney and stuff  
  
NOTE: Yes, I'm gonna try and put sleeping beauty in there too, and the Ada with the lickers is a great idea! Thanks stargazer! LOL, I think I know how to add that to the story, just read on and see^_^  
  
CHAPTER 2:  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
NARRATORS DEEP EERIE VOICE:  
  
"But little do our young friends know, of the evil that they would encounter, as 2 dark men plot their evil plans, right under their noses....."  
  
  
  
SCENE 2:  
  
  
  
The police station is shown for a brief moment. Camera zooms down under the ground to show a secret lab, full of horrific creatures in glass tubes and machines and computers everywhere.  
  
"Good job Professor Birkins. You have succeeded in turning the whole town into gruesome, flesh eating creatures using your T-Virus," said a tall blonde man wearing sunglasses and black clothing. The typical bad guy wear.  
  
"Yes, but I yet have to destroy those retched S.T.A.R.S members! They have been snooping around too much for their own good," says the evil scientist William Birkins with a sneer. "Wesker! I think it is time for a new virus!" Screams William over dramatically. "That's just what I was thinking," replies Wesker, grinning evilly. Both men throw their heads back and laugh, "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
Music is now playing: (Think of Aladdin's 'A whole new world' tune)  
  
William Birkins grabs Wesker's hands and they both hop onto a moving platform, which would give them a tour of Birkins labs.  
  
William Birkins opens his mouth to sing.....and it ain't pretty:  
  
"Take a look at this laaaaab  
  
Cruel and evil how splendiiiddd  
  
Tell me Wesker, now when-did-you last blast a good guys behiiind....."  
  
Wesker smiles at William, his eyes shining with happiness as they zoomed through a place full of gruesome experiments.  
  
William continue's:  
  
"I can open your eeeeyes  
  
Make you wonder and wonder  
  
Of tyrants when they were younger  
  
and of the hate they felt inside  
  
A whole new virus!!  
  
A new fantastic creation for you  
  
No one to tell us no, or where to go  
  
Or say we're only scheming."  
  
Wesker flutters with joy and decides to join in the singing. He's luckily, not as bad as William due to singing lessons his mother forced him to go to when he was younger.  
  
"A whole neww virus!!!  
  
A dazzling creation, it's just so coool  
  
But when I'm way up here  
  
It's crystal clear  
  
That I am lovin this whole new virus like youu"  
  
Birkins: "Now I'm loving this virus like yooooou"  
  
Wesker: "Unbelievable contamination!  
  
Indescribable feeling  
  
As the victim struggles and starts peeling  
  
That is what this virus will do  
  
A WHOLE NEW VIRUS!!!" (He closes his eyes from all the excitement)  
  
Birkins: "Don't you bloody dare close your eyes!"  
  
Wesker: "With hundreds of side affects you'll feel"  
  
Birkins (cutting in): "More painful than my aunt Gretta!"  
  
Wesker: "It's like an exploding car, it'll get you far, you'll never go back to where you used to be"  
  
Birkins (cutting in): "A whole new virus!!"  
  
Wesker(cutting in): "Every burn makes you cry"  
  
Birkins(cutting in): "it's the evil plan I must pursue"  
  
Wesker(cutting in): "oh it keeps getting better!"  
  
Birkins and Wesker: "I'll use it anywhere, there's no time to spare, let me share this whole new virus with youuuuu" They are now holding hands and staring happily at each other.  
  
Birkins: "A whole new virus"  
  
Wesker: "A whole new virus"  
  
Birkins: "I'm overwhelmed with glee"  
  
Wesker: "overwhelmed with gleee"  
  
Birkins: "for this horrifying waste"  
  
Wesker: "with a wonderful taste"  
  
Birkins and Wesker: "made exclusivelyyyyy"  
  
END OF MUSIC.  
  
Wesker sighs and stares at the green liquid virus which now lay in Birkins hands. "It's all so magical," he whispers.  
  
"Why yes," replied Birkins with a smile. They look at one another then throw their heads back in laughter again. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
SCENE 3  
  
  
  
Chris, Jill, Barry and Claire are all standing out side the R.P.D. building. Jill and Barry say their goodbyes to Claire and hop into the car. Chris smiles at Claire and gives her a warm, brotherly hug.  
  
"Take care of yourself little sis. Remember to always lock ALL doors before going to sleep, all 56 of those locks. You never know what might try to break in, in the middle of the night and eat you. We live in a dangerous neighborhood you know," said Chris, giving Claire as much advice as he could before leaving her alone for the first time.  
  
"Chris stop it!" she said chucking, "I'm not a child any more, I can take care of myself."  
  
"Well, none the less if you need anything Skipper here will help. He's better than a guard dog, and more scary too!" Said Chris pointing at the licker next to Claire's feet, which was tied with a leash that Claire was holding.  
  
"Good ol' Skipper the licker. He never let me down once. I'm so happy you bought him for my last birthday Chris!" Claire said patting 'Skipper' on the head, who affectionately licked her face almost causing her to fall backwards. The one thing that made Skipper an even better 'pet dog' was the fact he could jump 20 times farther to fetch and lick his master from 50 miles away.  
  
"Ah, well he was the only vegetarian licker on the market. I couldn't have a pet that would eat us all now could I?"  
  
Claire laughed. "Alright, your comrades are waiting for you, so piss off already!"  
  
"I'll see ya soon Claire!" Shouted Chris as he ran over to the car and they were off.  
  
Claire watched as her brother drove off out of sight and out of her life....for a few hours that is.  
  
"Well Skipper, I guess it's just you and me huh?" said Claire patting Skipper again on the head, making sure she didn't hurt his exposed 'brains' too much. Skipper licked Claire's hands.  
  
"Do not fear Claire, your knight in shining armour is here!" Came a squeaky voice behind Claire, causing her to groan.  
  
"What? Not happy to see me??" Asked Steve, looking genuinely hurt.  
  
"No Steve, it's just that I was hoping to spend some quality time with Skipper. He misses me so much whenever I go into town and-"  
  
"Say no more Claire. We'll ALL play with Skipper!" said Steve smiling at Skipper and trying to give Skipper a pat. Skipper however, raised his claws and almost chopped Steve's hand off. "AHHH!"  
  
"Skipper!! I'm surprised at you! How many times did I tell you to now use those claws on humans? We are fragile creatures and we feel pain!" Claire scolded Skipper who looked down apologetically.  
  
"Ahem, no harm done. Well I suggest you keep a close eye on Skipper here. There's a new chic in town making coats out of lickers. Trust me it ain't pretty," said Steve, nodding knowingly.  
  
"Oh man! That's terrible! Who's sick minded enough to do such a thing?!" Claire exclaims, covering her mouth with her hands theatrically.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
SCENE 4  
  
Camera zooms to the attic of the Spencer mansion. An Asian woman in a red dress is shown, surrounded by lickers locked in cages.  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA.....AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" she laughs evilly, raising both hands in the air. Her hair is quite messy and the make up on her face is very badly done.  
  
"I have now collected 88 lickers for my new fashionable coat. All is need is 13 more to make a 101 lickers!! One of which will be the unique 'Veggie' licker! Oh what a beautiful coat that would make....AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh Adella Wongille you are a GENIUS! HEEHEEHEE!!" Screamed the psycho woman again.  
  
The lickers were terrified and the camera kept getting closer to 'Adellas' face as she laughed sinisterly. One could see she had not brushed her teeth in quite some time.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
SCENE 5  
  
Later that day, Claire is sitting in the STARS room with Skipper at her feet. She's playing around with her magnum gun, which has a sticker of the 'made in heaven' logo. All of Claire's belongings contained that logo as it was her trademark.  
  
Suddenly the door of the STARS room bursts open and Barry stumbles in. "Claire!!" he screams melodramatically falling down and crawling towards Claire in an over dramatic way.  
  
"Barry? What is it??? Where's Chris?!" Shouted Claire running over to Barry, and tried helping him up.  
  
"Oh it was terrible! Terrible I tell ya! There were moving, speaking guns, and other weapons, one little berretta sounded like a little girl even! We though 'heck ok so this is some freaky *beep*' but then this ugly ass thing popped out and screamed at us! It was huge it was frightening and it's face was made up of stitches! Oh it was horrible!"  
  
"WHAT THE *BEEP* HAPPENED TO CHRIS?!" screamed Claire getting very impatient.  
  
"Oh Chris? Oh yes! Chris! Oh Chris was captured! As soon as he mentioned he had a sister the monster grabbed him and took him somewhere and told me I could go free. I don't know what happened to Jill, I think she escaped before all of us. For all we know she might be dead!!! OHH THIS IS HORRIBLE!"  
  
"Will you stop that whining?! I'm gonna go get Chris!" Said Claire getting her weapons ready and grabbing her motorcycle keys from the table.  
  
"No it is too dangerous! Chris will kill me if he knows I let you go!" Barry said grabbing onto Claire's legs pleadingly.  
  
"Oh harden up!" said Claire sternly as she kept on walking and dragging Barry behind her. "Barry let go!"  
  
"Claire don't do this-"  
  
BANG!  
  
Claire shot the ceiling above her head, and Barry let go instantly. "I'll be back, don't worry. And that monster will get what's coming to him....."  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
NEXT EPISODE: Claire will finally meet the nemesis (Leon). We learn some shocking news about Leon and we'll be seeing Jill and Chris again!  
  
A/N: So what did ya think ppl? Any suggestions or idea's for the story or another Disney parody song?? R&R and tell me what u think! I know this story gets stupider by the minute, but that's the whole fun of it:op The virus song can be sung to the tune of Aladdin if u do it in a specific way, and I know the whole licker thing is pretty gross, but all in good fun. By the way it's meant to be a movie so imagine it all in your heads as a movie, not a story. That's all! 


End file.
